Author: Chloe Easterling

Waking Up Paralyzed

Waking Up Paralyzed

My first experience with what is referred to as sleep paralysis happened when I was nineteen. I was at home, sleeping alone in my room, when I awoke in the middle of the night, paralyzed, and saw something standing next to my bed. I do not remember what it looked like.

My second experience happened about five months later, when I was twenty, while sleeping on a living room sofa at a friend’s house. Again, it was during the middle of the night and I was paralyzed. That time, I saw something right on top of me, as if it were sitting on my chest. It was very thin, maybe three feet tall at the most if it had been standing, and was a grayish flesh-tone.

I didn’t have any more experiences until late 2000 or early 2001, then it happened again. I only caught a glimpse of the beings standing next to my bed and they sort of looked like a very short, thin, old lady dressed in black with a tall, muscular man standing behind her. I started avoiding going to bed at night, staying awake as long as I could. By 2008, I was staying awake until five in the morning.

The beings continued to show up in the middle of the night from that point on. Sometimes only once a year, sometimes more often. As the years progressed, I started to see them more clearly.

The shorter of the two always stood the closest to me. It had a round head, large, dark, round eyes, almost white skin, no hair, a very small mouth, and appeared to be wearing a white garment. It stood around three feet, six inches tall. Off to its right, I saw the bottom half of what looked like a man wearing black camo pants, a black belt, and dark top. I never saw the human(oid) above the waist.

pale being next to bed
A drawing of what I’ve seen standing next to my bed around 3 AM.

In 2018, I started to notice a pattern. On the nights when they would visit, I would become extremely groggy, as if I’d been drugged, within ten or fifteen minutes before three in the morning. If I laid down and fell asleep, I would awaken to see the pale, white being right in front of me, only inches away, and the other person/being standing off to its right, about four feet away from me. I would be completely terrified in my paralyzed state and I knew I needed to try to remain calm in order to observe. One night, I managed to push the fear aside and start questioning the shorter being, telepathically, about what it wanted and where it was from. I was only able to get those two questions out before it disappeared. I didn’t receive any answers and I haven’t been visited since.

These days, I normally don’t go to bed until the sun comes up. A few times a month, I have nights when I don’t sleep at all.

UFOs – They run in the family

UFOs – They run in the family

My father mentioned a few times that he had seen a UFO. I don’t know any of the details surrounding his sighting. Although I thought it was interesting, I had never really been into UFOs or aliens so I didn’t seek out any details of his encounter.

In 2008 or 2009, my oldest daughter saw a UFO. We were living in Peoria, AZ, near Luke Air Force Base so she was used to seeing aircraft flying over our home. However, on this particular night, she saw something that frightened her so badly that she woke up her younger brother to come and sleep in her room so she wouldn’t be alone.

She saw something fly by in the distance and thought it was just an airplane. Then it flew by again. It continued to fly back and forth then, as if it knew she was watching, it began to fly right towards our house. As it started to fly over our home, she got a good look at it. She describes the craft as disc-shaped with a row of yellowish lights running all around it’s center. On the bottom of the craft, she saw three lights that, if connected, would form a triangle.

While living in the house in Peoria, AZ, my husband and I also saw a strange craft fly over our home. We had been in our backyard relaxing on a clear, quiet night and the children had been asleep for a few hours. We got up to head back into the house and, as we were nearing the covered portion of the patio, we both saw an object moving through the sky.

The craft was low to the ground, maybe fifty feet above our house, and it made a low-pitched humming noise that was only noticeable when it was practically just one house away from ours. It was grayish-black in color with maybe a hint of brown and had no lights. It was rectangular in shape and the sides of the craft had what appeared to be panels running vertically along the sides. It was traveling at a very slow rate of speed, perhaps only twenty-five MPH. It flew directly over our home, traveling from east to west.

Drawing of a craft that flew directly over our home.

In March of 2019, I was looking out of our bedroom window around five in the morning. I saw a bright light in the sky that I thought may have been Arcturus or Venus, but it looked unusually bright. I decided to grab my husband’s binoculars and take a closer look. Below is a drawing of what I saw in the eastern sky approximately an hour before sunrise.

Early morning UFO
UFO hiding in plain sight by lining up with a bright star or planet.

It was disc-shaped, but not exactly as drawn because my art materials are not currently available. It had what looked like windows running through the center from which was emitted an extremely bright, yellow-gold light. Light was also emitted from the top of the craft.

The Owl Connection

The Owl Connection

When I was seventeen, we moved to Marana, Arizona, a small town located approximately thirty minutes from Tucson. At that time, the town was still developing and most of the roads weren’t paved. One night, when I was (probably) nineteen years old, as I was arriving home late, I was startled by a face. It turned out to be a large, white owl which was sitting on the gate post of our driveway. It was as if it were waiting on my return. While it was only a little over two feet tall, I remember it seeming HUGE. I also remember an eerie feeling coming over me that left me a bit shaken for a while after the incident.

I never researched what types of owls were found in Arizona until 2017 or 2018. That’s when I did search after search online trying to find a two-foot tall, all-white owl native to Arizona. There are none. In fact, I was unable to find any large, white owls in North America that matched the description of the one I saw that night. However, it’s face was close to the one depicted in an owl painting, Fade to White, by Maria Cameron.

During that time in my life, I was practicing astral projection and had a growing interest in tarot, runes, and the chakra system.

The next owl sighting took place when I was in my thirties. We were living in California at the time in a small, coastal town. There was an owl sitting on the roof of the house across the street looking over at our house. My husband and I noticed it multiple times. It was a small, brown owl that resembled a species of great horned owls found throughout California.

During that period of my life, I was a practicing Reiki Master/Teacher and I was taking a psychic development class to help understand the entities who were waking me up at night. I was also a website developer and graphic designer.

The third owl incident happened in Peoria, Arizona in late 2006 through at least the beginning of 2007. We had moved into a house there so my daughters could be closer to their father, my first husband, and my husband could be closer to his two children. About six months after moving in, we noticed two, large, great horned owls sitting on a power poll near our home, we could see them perfectly from our back yard. Sometimes we would go out to enjoy our heated spa and they would fly over and perch on the pole as if to watch us. Other times, I would hear them from inside the house and walk outside to look at them. They were there every night for months, then they stopped showing up.

That house was very active, and I don’t just mean with your typical life or energy forms. There were shadow people, a ghost boy, “fairy” sparks… all kinds of things. One night when my husband and I were walking back into the house after relaxing outside, we even saw a UFO fly about 50 feet over our house.

During that time in my life, I was interacting with a group of women online. We talked about various spiritual, philosophical, and paranormal topics. Even though I considered myself just one of the group, many of them looked to me as their leader. I was only trying to facilitate spiritual growth and the opening of minds regarding what is possible. We focused on manifesting, healing, and creativity. It was really beautiful for about a year, then the group fell apart. However, I am still connected to a few of them to this day.

Vision of Fatal Car Accident – Beeline Highway

Vision of Fatal Car Accident – Beeline Highway

In 1998 or 1999, my ex-husband wanted to take our daughters, along with his third wife and her youngest daughter Jen, on a camping trip to Payson, Arizona. We were living near Glendale, Arizona at that time and the quickest route to Payson was *Arizona State Route 87, also known as Beeline Highway.

A day or two before the trip, I had a vision upon waking of my daughters riding in the backseat of my ex-husband’s car with Jen. I also saw my ex-husband and his wife in the front seats of the moving vehicle. The image panned out and I saw the car traveling down the two-lane highway.

Suddenly, the car jerked, then went off the right-hand side of the road before rolling at least twice, and I felt like there were multiple fatalities. I startled up in bed at that point, wide awake.

I phoned my ex-husband later that day to ask him if he planned on taking Beeline Highway all the way to Payson and back, he said he did. I told him what I had seen and begged him not to take that route. Because he knew that I was able to see future events, he listened and took I-17 instead, even though the drive added thirty minutes to their trip, both there and back.

On their return trip from Payson, both back tires of the car blew out. Because they were driving on a multi-lane highway with emergency lanes, my ex-husband was able to safely maneuver the vehicle onto the shoulder. He slowly drove the car to an area with a telephone where he stopped to call us. My husband and I drove in separate vehicles to pick everyone up and drive them home.

*Between 1989 and 2001, AZ State Route 87 underwent major renovations in a project to convert the entire highway to three or four lanes. The final segment, requiring the construction of four bridges, was completed in 2001. During the time of this event, a section of highway still existed which had no emergency lane and ran right along the rim of mountainous terrain. (See page 83 –

No! I’ve not fixed my whiskers yet!

No! I’ve not fixed my whiskers yet!

Sasha cat is a cherished member of our family. We adopted her on New Year’s Eve, December, 2017. She was seven months old at the time and suffering from an upper-respiratory infection, some stomach issues, and had a scratch on her eye. I nursed her back to health and she’s been a faithful companion ever since.

sasha cat
Why are you taking my photo before I’ve properly groomed myself?
Is it Real, or is it Technology?

Is it Real, or is it Technology?

I feel as if I have been experiencing two different realities simultaneously my entire life. One reality which is concrete and rooted in the material world, the other which is very abstract and bordering on incomprehensible.

I have gone years without any encounters or paranormal activity, only receiving messages every now and then to keep me safe. It has been suggested that it is my higher-self that I’ve been hearing, but I know the difference between my ‘voice’ and this other voice. I know the difference between my own, internal dialogue and this other being with a male voice who I’ve interacted with throughout my life during times of danger, great change, or emotional turmoil.

Since February of 2017, not a day has gone by without my questioning who I have been interacting with all these years. There are days when I believe it’s not a being or person from some other dimension or place in the universe. Sometimes I feel like it is a human from right here on Earth somehow tapping into my thoughts.

During my research, I discovered information regarding the Voice of God technology. It was utilized during the war with Iraq and may have been used on common citizens to cause them to carry out terrible crimes. The Pentagon even admits to working on these types of technologies. Some individuals even claim they are being targeted and harassed by a technology that generates intrusive thoughts. Many think these individuals are delusional but our government is no stranger to covert operations. The first successful transmission of a voice directly into the head of an individual happened in 1974. It was performed by Dr. Joseph C. Sharp of the Walter Reed Army Institute of Reseach.

Have I been part of some type of experiment my entire life? If so, then our government not only has the ability to transmit messages to targeted individuals, it also has the ability to read our minds. Have all of my silent wishes that have come true, all of my discussions with the voice I’ve known since childhood — has it all been part of something I’ve taken part in without my consent? The scientific reports call mind-reading a new technology but we all know the government has these technologies long before the public learns about their existence. Many horrifying experiments involving mind control have also taken place that were never supposed to be leaked to the public.

The fact that one of my uncles, who was previously in the Navy, did Top Secret work for the government for at least thirty years doesn’t bring me any comfort. Nor does the fact that I was born only an hour away from the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. As a child, every time we would visit my aunt who lived in Dayton, Ohio, which was only 22 minutes from the base, an uncomfortable feeling would come over me when we were fifteen or twenty minutes away. The closer we got to my aunt’s house, the more discomfort I felt. I traveled a lot with my parents when I was a child but I never had that sensation during any of our other trips.

I also can’t trust the things I see. Holographic technologies date back to 1947 when scientists were working on the improvement of an electron microscope. Bell Labs, the Air Force, IBM, Nasa, General Electric… they have all been developing holographic technology. When two of my encounters were with blue beings, and numerous sightings I’ve had were of shadowy figures, I wonder if I am merely being shown things someone wants me to believe are real.

How can I believe anything I see, feel, or hear when I know these technologies are out there, and I know our government doesn’t ask permission to use these technologies on the general public? I know I have experiences and encounters that have seemed real, but what if it’s all been ‘magic’?

How can you know what’s real?

The Sun Child – Trilateral Insignia?

The Sun Child – Trilateral Insignia?

On November 16, 2017, an image of several drawings by different individuals was posted on the Earthfiles website and Facebook page depicting what people had seen while looking up at the bottom of a UFO.

chloe easterling dream
From Linda Moulton Howe’s Earthfiles Site

When I saw the drawings, I let out a gasp and sat frozen in my seat. The drawings were like the ones I had done when trying to describe something I’d seen in a dream when I was nineteen years old. In the dream, I looked up to the sky and saw a round object that resembled a face with lines through it. I referred to it as the Sun Child and became very agitated and frightened. I looked at the person I was with in the dream and said something like, “We need to go! The Sun Child is after me!”

  I had told my husband about that dream a few times because it has always bothered me. Right after seeing it on the Earthfiles website, I woke him up to ask him if he remembered me telling him about the dream. He does remember when I told him about the Sun Child dream as well as other dreams and encounters I had as a child.

chloe easterling sun child
The object Chloe Easterling saw in a dream.
Blue Spheres Encounter

Blue Spheres Encounter

I’m fuzzy regarding the exact year (I think it was in November of 2009), I had an encounter with my husband present. Although he knew I never lied or made things up, I know a part of him struggled when I would tell him about my experiences. However, after our experience together, he understood that everything I had shared with him was real.

He and I had been watching a movie or playing a game late one night and we went to grab a snack. We headed downstairs and into the kitchen. You could see the family room from where we stood in the kitchen, and in the family room there were multiple, blue, glowing orbs floating in the air. They each moved independently of one another but they remained together in a group. I asked my husband, “Are you seeing this?”

blue sphere
Drawing depicting a blue sphere with energy swirling around within it.

  He said yes and asked me what it was. I told him I didn’t know. We stood and watched the orbs, which were approximately the size of a softball, for at least fifteen seconds. Then the orbs shot off to the left (our right) behind a wall where we couldn’t see them. Then I felt energy running through my body. I asked my husband to look at me and he did, and I said, “No, look at my back and tell me what you see.”

  When he looked at my back, he was astonished. He told me that my hair, shirt, and sweatpants all looked like they were being pulled away from my body. I told him to stand behind me, put his arms around me, and to pull me as close to him as he could. He did and he said that he felt an energy being pushed right through the front of my body to the back, then felt a force (he describes as a magnetic force) pushing against him. Then we both felt something slip from between us and move away to our left. I perceive that experience as a gift to me so that my husband would know, with complete certainty, that my experiences are real.

  The orbs returned several times after that initial incident and, during three of those visits, I felt the same energy being run from the base of my spine to the crown of my head.

Light Being – Angelic

Light Being – Angelic

At some point between 2002 and 2005, while receiving craniosacral therapy from a massage therapist/energy worker, a being appeared right above me. It appeared as pure white and golden light, and it had a shape that most would refer to as angelic. The massage therapist always closed her eyes while performing craniosacral therapy so she didn’t see the being.

In the presence of the light being, I was filled with intense love and a bliss I have never experienced before or since. I laid there with tears of joy streaming from my eyes. The being bent down and kissed me in the center of my forehead. It was an amazing experience. I know it imparted some information to me, but I cannot recall any of it on a conscious level.

How I Met My Husband

How I Met My Husband

My husband Michael had Multiple Sclerosis when I married him. He started experiencing problems in 1988 when he woke up one morning and couldn’t walk. Initially, the cause of his paralysis was undetermined. He began aquatic therapy and steroids and, after two months, the feeling started returning to his legs.

In 1989, he woke up and the entire left side of his body was affected. He said he looked like he’d had a stroke. After numerous tests had been run, including an MRI and four spinal taps, he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and his doctor put him on betaseron. Michael developed neutralizing antibodies which caused an overreaction in his t-cells that targeted the mylan sheath in his brain stem. The treatment resulted in causing partial paralysis in his diaphragm and also caused severe pain in the left side of his brain. He also had lesions in his lower spine affecting the nerves in his legs.

Michael was unable to walk and in a wheelchair for nine months. His doctor told him he’d probably never be able to walk again. He started aquatic therapy for a second time and also had a nurse coming to his home to administer TENS therapy. After a year of therapy and a lot of determination, he was able to walk again with a cane.

Micheal was then put on another medication, Avonex, to slow down the progression of lesions in his brain. The lesion on his brain stem worsened, becoming larger, and at that point his neurologist told him he was probably going to die. He was given only a 20% chance to survive. His neurologist had nine other patients with the same diagnosis who are all now deceased, eight of which died during the first year after diagnosis. Michael was told to get his affairs in order and remove all stresses in his life.

Michael left his wife and children in Arizona, at his wife’s request, and returned to his parents home in San Luis Obispo, California. There, he started meditation and cannabis therapy (which his neurologist had suggested and wife was completely against). He put on his wetsuit and began floating in the ocean almost daily.

His wife had told him that he had a “green light” to sleep with other women while he was in California. He thought that was odd as he would never consider such a thing. A neighbor called Micheal while he was at his parent’s house and asked him if he knew someone who drove a black BMW. He told him that someone who drove one had been staying at the house while Michael was away. Micheal eventually found out that his wife had started an intimate relationship with both her boss and with a fellow coworker she had know for years. She did it “for the children.”

After five months, Michael’s neurologist called to tell him about a new therapy, Solu Medrol, and suggested that he return to Arizona for treatment in the hospital.

Michael returned to Arizona and was admitted to the hospital for intravenous treatment. The IV dosage was supposed to be infused over a twelve hour period but the directions were written incorrectly and the entire infusion was set to be administered in only two hours. In just over an hour, Michael flatlined.

He left his body and saw some type of being that he was afraid of. It had something behind it that resembled a burnt-copper sewer lid. The creature was brownish-gray in color with no hair, a long face, and thin arms. Then he heard someone say, “Code blue! Grab a crash cart!”

He doesn’t know how much time elapsed between the time he passed out and the time the nurses rushed in. He traveled, out of body, down the hospital corridor and into a waiting room. There, he witnessed a Mexican family gathered around one another in tears.

Michael suddenly found himself in what he describes as a large, white room where he heard an unfamiliar, female voice. She told him it wasn’t his time but he could leave then if he wished. Or, he could return and have a new life.

The next thing he remembered was the sensation of hitting his head against a wall, hearing alarms, having something jammed down his throat, and a group of nurses trying to hold him down. They were telling him that he was okay, to just relax, that he had been intubated.

They had used a defibrillator which left burn marks as evidence on his chest. However, his original chart had disappeared and a new, blank chart was left in its place. When his doctor noticed this, he became very angry. The neurologist was told there was an incident but it was merely an anxiety attack. After speaking to Michael, seeing the burn marks on his chest, and hearing what he remembered about the incident, the doctor left the room. He returned to tell Michael that he had ordered an MRI to see if there had been any brain damage from when he had coded.

Later that day, October 30, 1996, his neurologist returned with the MRI images. He placed the images on the wall and said the lesion he had been monitoring for two years was gone. Michael got out of bed, looked at the scan, and saw a healed mylan sheath on his brain stem. The active lesion, the one that was supposed to kill him, was now completely gone leaving only scar tissue in its place. Michael told the doctor he wanted to be discharged immediately. He’d decided that he would more likely be killed by interns and nurses than by an MS attack.

Michael called his wife to to tell her the good news, but she didn’t sound happy about the miraculous healing that had taken place. After picking him up, anytime she made eye contact it was with a cold, unemotional look. The next day, Halloween, she was distant and complaining about every little thing. When I stopped by their house with my daughters, she was irritated and saying, “Why didn’t you put the candy in the bowl like I told you to?”

He left the following day and returned to California. He received a letter from his wife within the first week telling him that she was moving in with her boss. She wrote that she originally thought it would be the coworker and friend she’d know for years, but she had fallen in love with her boss and, therefore, wouldn’t be at their home when Michael returned. On Thanksgiving day, Michael walked into a quiet, empty house that he didn’t leave for two weeks.

I was twenty-nine at that time and in the process of divorcing my first husband. He was an abusive alcoholic and his behavior was getting worse. He was staying out all night, not communicating or spending time with his daughters, going to strip bars, and (I later found out) he had started using methamphetamines and sleeping with a coworker.

He had previously befriended our neighbor who had Multiple Sclerosis. His daughter and our daughters played together almost daily for over two years. Things had changed drastically since our neighbor moved to be with his parents in California due to his worsening health. Not having a person with morals and values to spend time with, my husband spent time with those who didn’t.

If I hadn’t had a group of friends I’d met through the poetry circuit to offer emotional support, as well as college classes to focus on, I know things would have been more difficult for me. I eventually started seeing someone in early October, 1996. He was someone I’d known for a year but wasn’t someone any of my friends could have possibly imagined me with. After two months, I understood why. It’s amazing how well someone can hide their addictions… at least in the short-term.

On the evening of Friday, December 13, 1996, I was driving home from a little coffee shop where I’d just run into another poet I knew. He had asked me out and we exchanged numbers. As I drove, I had the radio on and I was caught up in thoughts about what the upcoming date would be like. Then the voice I’d communicated with since childhood chimed in and told me to go to Michael’s house. Michael had been a friend of my soon-to-be ex-husband and his house was right behind ours. I argued with the voice, as I always did, saying there was no way I was going to Michael’s house. The voice was persistent, saying, “You need to go to Michael’s house.”

I told it to give me one good reason as to why I should go to Michael’s house. The voice said, “You need to invite him to your house for Christmas dinner.” It went on to say that Michael’s wife had left him, taken the kids with her, and that Michael was alone and depressed. “People often commit suicide during the holidays.” I couldn’t argue with that kind of logic, nor could I bear the thought of someone killing themselves, so I went to Michael’s house. 

  When Michael opened the door, he looked so sad and defeated. I sat down with him in his living room and told him that he couldn’t give up on life just because she had left him. I told Michael that he needed to get out of the house and do something. He said everyone was busy because of work or the upcoming holidays. I offered to spend time with him, suggesting we go play a few games of pool, then he asked me if I wanted to go the following evening. I hadn’t told him about the date I had set up with someone else, but I couldn’t say no. Instead, I went home, called the other guy and told him about what had just happened, and we postponed our date until Sunday. I never had the opportunity to go out with that guy because I fell in love with Michael during our pool date and he and I have been together ever since.

 Ten days after my first date with Michael, on Christmas Eve, he and I were out in his back yard staring up at the sky. We saw a falling star and we each made a wish. Then I said (in my head), “If this is the man you’ve promised me, the one I’ve been waiting for, I want a sign. I want to see an arrow in the sky.”

I didn’t dwell on the sign I’d asked for after that but, on February 12, 1997, as Michael and I were driving from Phoenix, Arizona to San Luis Obispo, California to get married, I looked up at the crescent moon in the sky and saw a perfect arrow pointing towards it. Excited, I asked Michael, “Do you see that?!?” He looked up and he was amazed. I then told him what I had asked for and, as I finished, the arrow dispersed. It was a perfect arrow. A solid white arrow with straight lines. People always ask if it was just a cloud that looked like an arrow and I tell them, “No. Absolutely not. Clouds don’t form into solid, white arrows with straight lines.”

Call Me Blue – Mantis Being

Call Me Blue – Mantis Being

I used to have my own website and graphic design business which I ran from my home. This was back when I had to create entire websites by typing in HTML coding, before I had a site builder program to create code automatically. One afternoon, I was struggling with a new page I was creating for a client. There was an error in my HTML coding that was throwing the entire page off. I kept looking for the error, scanning each line at least five times, but couldn’t find it. Frustrated, I got up and went to the kitchen to get another glass of iced tea.

When I returned to the room, an eight-foot tall, insect-like, blue, holographic being was standing right next to my desk. I only looked directly in its direction that one time, while entering the room, so I can’t give a detailed description, but it’s head was shaped like that of a preying mantis and it appeared to be wearing some sort of cape. I was a little alarmed and stopped in my tracks for a second. However, I didn’t feel anything negative from the being, so I went and sat back down at my desk. Then the being spoke to me telepathically and told me where to find the error in my code. I looked where it said and, yes, there it was. I thanked the being and asked its name. The being said, “You can call me Blue.”

I know we talked for a while but I don’t remember anything else that was said. I called up a friend later, one that wouldn’t think I was crazy, and told her what had happened. She said, “It sounds like you were visited by an alien.”

An alien? That looked like an insect? She assured me that some extraterrestrials do look insect-like. I went online to search for types of alien beings and, on an obscure little site, I found images someone had drawn of a being who resembled Blue. These were referred to as the Mantis Beings. Very appropriate.

The fact that this being appeared as a holographic image has always bothered me. Especially the fact that the entire holograph was blue in color. If highly advanced beings are visiting us from other places in the galaxy or universe, or from other dimensions, one would expect their technology to be far more advanced than our own. Why, then, was Blue completely blue? And why didn’t I ever notice any motion in the holograph?

What am I suggesting? I’m not sure yet, just that upon reflection it seems a bit odd. I would like to point out that the geoengineering taking place in our atmosphere utilizes strontium barium niobate, the same substance is used to produce holographic images. Could most sightings merely be holographs?

On Being Different – Early Adulthood

On Being Different – Early Adulthood

Due to my father’s health issues, my parents decided to move west. They had a house built just around the corner from one of my father’s sisters who lived in Marana, a small town outside of Tucson, Arizona. I had just experienced the best year of my life thus far and

— OUCH!! —

I had to move away from everyone and everything I knew and start over.

We arrived in Marana before our furniture did so we stayed at my aunt and uncle’s house for a few days. During that time, my father had the only nightmare I ever remember him having. I had been sitting in the kitchen area talking to my aunt when we heard him start to scream. She went to check on him and returned to tell me that he had been dreaming about spiders. I never learned anything more about his dream.

What do spiders symbolize? I suppose that depends on the source you look to for information. In my father’s case, I think they probably symbolized being entangled by the unknown and having to see his way passed the anxieties surrounding this foreign, new land. Or, maybe that’s merely how I was feeling.

My junior year of high school was one of the most emotional years of my life. I met someone who would later become my fiance, and even later become my stalker for over twenty-five years. Everyone at the high school knew who I was because I definitely stood out, but I didn’t realize how influential I was until ten years after I graduated. Having mastered the art of ignoring what people thought or said about me, I was oblivious concerning the impact I had on others. Thankfully, it was a positive impact.

Having been mocked and bullied so much in the past, I sought out those who were shunned or treated badly by others. I became a Peer Counselor and could be called out of class if another student needed to speak with me. I was also a free ride to the clinic if any girl needed to go there without anyone else knowing. Having been drawn to psychology since age ten, I couldn’t have been happier in this new role which allowed me to help other students. I have to admit, I was surprised at how comfortable people were opening up and sharing personal things about themselves with me. I guess my empathy, paired with my keeping to myself, made them feel safe.

At the same time, I was homesick. I missed my friends, the school dances, and the foods I grew up eating. I especially missed the falling leaves of autumn and the snow during the holidays. Miles of cactus-lined desert roads and melted snowmen snowglobes just didn’t do it for me. The high point of Christmas was belting out Feliz Navidad over and over again with my second cousin in one of those small restaurants with the mini jukeboxes at each table.

About seven months after moving into our new home, the strangeness began. The first thing I noticed were things being moved from where I’d placed them. I would throw my keys on my dresser, go to get them, then find them on my bookshelf. At first, I thought I had simply misremembered where I had left something. Then I started paying special attention to where I would put things. That’s when I realized things were really disappearing from one place and reappearing in another. Sometimes something would go missing from where I’d left it, then show back up in the same place twenty or thirty minutes later. For a while, this was happening at least twice a week.

I had been afraid of the dark since childhood, but that fear increased when I began feeling like I was constantly being watched. I had to turn on every light from my room to the kitchen just to get something to drink. Then late one night, after my parents had gone to bed and I wanted something from the kitchen, I heard the voice tell me that I was an angel and could produce my own light.

I finally gathered up enough courage to test it. I stepped out into the hallway and the entire hall lit up with a soft, white light. When I reached the family room, it was also bathed in light. The same was true for the kitchen. I had gone from my room to the kitchen and back without turning on a single light. But, like many other things of this nature, I only did it that one time. It was like I had completely forgotten it had happened until years later. It’s interesting that, right after this incident, people started referring to me as an angel.

I started practicing astral projection when I was nineteen and I used to visit people when they were sleeping. One day I received phone calls from three people who all told me that I had woken them up during the night. I decided to take it a step further to see if I could enter people’s dreams. I decided on Kevin, a friend from school.

I first remember seeing him sitting in the driver’s seat of a hearse looking incredibly sad. Everything looked so dull and gloomy, so I decided to brighten things up a bit. I filled the hearse with a seventies flower pattern in bold, almost fluorescent colors, and filled the outside sky with brilliant sunlight. He looked very surprised. Then I popped into the passengers seat next to him and he said, “It’s you!”

The next time I saw him, I asked him if he’d had any dreams about me. He started telling me about his dream of sitting in a hearse when, suddenly, everything became brighter. Then I chimed in with the information about the flowers which he confirmed. Then he said I appeared in the seat next to him. I told him that I couldn’t help myself when I saw him looking so sad. He said, “You were really there! You were really in my dream!”

I tried going into the dreams of two other friends and was successful with one. She was looking for a pair of shoes she had misplaced and I was trying to help her find them.

Then I tried traveling back in time to the house I grew up in. I made it to the house and went in the front door. Everything was just how it used to be. My father’s recliner in the living room near the window, my piano in the dining room, the photos of relatives on the buffet. I entered my room and saw things I had forgotten about, just little trinkets and things I’d acquired over the years. I went to the dresser to look at everything there, then I saw something sitting on the bed behind me. It was a creature blacker than any black I’ve ever seen. Every part of it was the same shade of black yet I could make out every detail. I heard, “You aren’t supposed to be here.”

That’s when I jumped through the bedroom window and started falling. I ended up in the trunk of a hollowed-out tree and heard voices outside asking one another if they’d heard that thumping noise coming from the tree trunk. I heard them walking over to investigate, then pulled myself back into my body and sat straight up in bed with my heart racing. I never purposely did astral projection again after that event. However, many years later, my husband would describe to me the creature he saw during a near-death experience. From his description, it sounds like we encountered the same type of being.

I had spontaneous memories of another lifetime which began when I was eighteen and stopped around age twenty-one. I would be working on something, crocheting, reading or writing, or any number of things that needed me to engage my mind when the visions would come. The memories were like short clips, each only lasting a minute or so. Though they were short, they employed all of my senses.

In one of the first memories, I was running up stairs made of stone. I could feel the cold, uneven stone against the soles of my feet. I was wearing a long white garment that felt like cotton and the stairway was dimly lit. I could feel my hair brushing across my face as I ran.

When I was twenty-one, I saw all of the segments pieced together.

I ran up the stone stairs into my room. The room was aglow from multiple candles positioned throughout. There was a cold breeze coming in through a window which caused the window coverings to flap and wave around in the air. My love was already in the room waiting for me. I remember a great passion between us and me pleading for him not to leave.

Then it was daytime and I found myself in a large room with walls made of stone. There were men dressed in armor who stood facing each other on each side of a carpet that ran down the center of the room. I walked down the carpet between them and joined an older gentleman who had been waiting for me at the front of the room. When I reached him, I turned so we were both facing the soldiers I’d just walked by.

There was another scene of what seemed to be a celebration. I think it took place in the same large room where the men in armor had been. There was music and dancing, couples doing something that reminded me of a waltz.

In the fourth vision, I was riding a horse up a gradual incline with tears on my face. It was cold outside and I was dressed in layers. It felt like I was wearing three dresses, one over another. I came to a stop atop a cliff overlooking the water. I sat there on my horse crying, silently begging for my love to return to me.

In the final vision, I am living in a small house with an older man and there is a palpable sadness hanging over me. It seems I have little will to live. The vision begins indoors with me laying on a piece of furniture near a fire. It ends with me and the man outside, our children running around a Maypole and laughing.

The combined story: I am in love with a soldier who is being sent off to a distant land. I think the dancing may have been in celebration of our wedding ceremony. I look for a ship to sail into port bringing him back to me but he never returns. I am married to an older man, old enough to be my father, and we have at least three children together. I never recovered from the loss of my love, his absence weighing heavier on my heart with each passing year. Eventually, the sadness was too much to bare and I released my hold on life.

When I told my husband about the spontaneous visions I’d had of an alternate life, he responded by telling me about his recurring dreams of drowning. He said he didn’t return to me because he had been stabbed, thrown off a ship, and then became tangled in something, perhaps a fishing net, that he couldn’t free himself of and he drowned.

On Being Different – My Childhood

On Being Different – My Childhood

  I have always been different from others which made going to school very difficult. I was interested in the paranormal from a very young age and would grab every book in the library on paranormal related topics. This didn’t go unnoticed by other students and was one source of the teasing I received in grade school.

Another source of teasing were my awkward movements. I ran funny and there was, unfortunately, a lot of running going on in P.E. class. Dodge ball was sheer torture for me because I was always one of the people the other team targeted first. Also, because I couldn’t throw the ball very hard or very far.

I was alone most of the time, either in my room or in the woods. I remember my father being very angry and upset regularly when I left the house to explore the woods, located only two blocks from home. No more than five minutes after I entered the woods, I would hear him shouting for me. I would run home as quickly as possibly, but he would start hitting me with his leather belt almost every time. He would insist that he had been calling for me for a long time. I wonder if he actually had been. If I really had been gone for much longer than I’d remembered.

One beautiful, autumn day as I was walking home from grade school, I must have been eight or nine at the time, I heard a voice very clearly call my name. I stopped and looked in every direction but there was no one there. I was perplexed, but continued on home. Shortly after that, as I was walking home on another day, I heard the same voice tell me that I would always be cared for. That time, the voice was in my head. It was a male voice and, by the tone of it, he was in his mid-twenties. This voice would continue to pop in throughout my life to give me guidance, advice, or warnings. I have since come to realize that this has been a telepathic communication with an unseen being who has always watched over me.

When I was nine, I started seeing and reading auras. I don’t know how I learned to do that, but I had fun reading auras and was really interested in doing so for about a year.

At age eleven, I had an experience with telekinesis. It was during the holidays and my aunt, uncle, cousin, and second cousins came to celebrate Christmas with us. Because my mother was the youngest of her siblings and my father was fifty-two when I was born, my second cousins are closer to my age than most of my cousins. One of my second cousins, who I’ll refer to as Bree, is just a year younger than me and she wanted to stay with me overnight. Of course, we stayed awake talking and giggling for a couple of hours before falling asleep.

When we awoke in the morning, we were laying in bed whispering to each other. At some point, I pointed at the decorated, plastic tree glowing from a dresser across from the foot of the bed and asked Bree if she wanted to see the elf ornament climb up to the top of the tree. She said yes, as almost any child would, so I focused on the ornament and the elf climbed to the top of the tree, then climbed back down. Bree was so excited so I asked if she wanted to see it again. In total, the elf climbed up and down the tree three times before my mother entered the room and told us it was time for breakfast.

I remember talking to “them” a few weeks later, as I was washing my hands, and I told them that I didn’t want that ability because I was afraid I would hurt myself or others with it. My husband and ex-husband, however, would tell you that I’ve manipulated objects since that event and without even trying. Always when I’ve become enraged over something.

At age twelve, I started becoming precognitive and that ability only grew stronger with age. It made some people uncomfortable so I learned not to talk about it much. I made the mistake of mentioning it to a Sunday school teacher and she told me it was the devil trying to sink his hooks into me. That was the beginning of my separation from the church. I knew the prophets in the Bible foretold the future and they were respected by others but I, a young girl with similar abilities, was basically told that my abilities came from some evil place. I was very hurt, confused, and I had no one to guide me. On top of that, I also discovered, during a sixth-grade field trip, that I was a medium.

There was an old house that had been almost completely destroyed by a fire but the structure and a few pieces of partially burned furniture were still there. Being young, curious, and lacking good judgement, many of us went to explore the dilapidated structure. What happened to me was very strange. It was like another person, in this instance it was a little boy, inhabited my body and pushed me behind him. I was completely aware of everything I said and did, but I was in the background acting as an observer.

A girl I’d know since I was four and a boy she liked saw me and tried to pull me away from the house. I would scream that I wanted my mother and struggle to pull away from them. The times I escaped, I would start running back towards the house. If I couldn’t escape, I would suddenly collapse my legs and end up on the ground begging for them to let me go. It must have taken them thirty minutes to get me away from the house and back to the place in the park where the other kids were. The little boy stayed in control until we were all on the school bus and a few miles away from the park. I never talked to anyone about that incident until I was in my late teens.

Both at school and away, I didn’t know how to socialize with others, mostly because I wasn’t interested in things other people my age were into. I would talk philosophically and theoretically but my peers never seemed to think that deeply. They all thought I was weird and told me that I thought too much. During summer breaks, I made friends with all of the older people in my neighborhood and would spend my time either visiting with them and my grandparents who lived across the street, or attempting to venture into the woods.

Junior high wasn’t any better. In fact, it was worse. I started attending a Christian school where I was bullied incessantly during seventh grade. It was so bad that I would lock myself in my room and cry almost every day. I couldn’t pay attention in class, couldn’t concentrate on my homework, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings. My mother was a second-shift factory worker and my father was unapproachable. I ended up failing seventh grade.

During my second go at seventh grade, I made a friend. She and I were inseparable. It’s strange to think of now, looking back and realizing that, in many ways, we were complete opposites. I was timid, she was bold and in your face. I was very feminine, she was more of a tomboy. I was a dreamer and a romantic, she was more of a realist. Yet, we somehow made the perfect pair of friends, probably because we accepted each other despite of our differences.

At age fourteen, I went on choir tour for the first time. We traveled through five states on a bus with every seat filled. I was given an envelope by my parents with the suggested amount of money needed to cover my meals and a little extra spending money. I had never learned how to budget money, nor did I consider the cost of necessities. Needless to say, I had no money left on the last day of the tour and I felt so embarrassed when we made our last dinner stop at a fast-food restaurant about six hours from home.

I stayed on the bus for a while after everyone else had entered the restaurant, but I was too fidgety and got off the bus after only ten or fifteen minutes. It felt good just to get out and walk around. I went into the restaurant to be around familiar faces in this unfamiliar place. As I walked by one table, someone asked me if I wanted some fries. They said they were given an extra one and it would just get thrown away. I thanked them and took the fries. As I passed another table, someone had ordered one too many drinks and I was asked if I wanted it. Yes, yes I did. I was just about ready to sit down at a table to enjoy my fries and soda when someone at the neighboring table asked me if I wanted a hamburger. They said they had ordered it for someone, then found out that person had already placed their order.

I had a complete meal even though I didn’t have a cent to pay for any of it. I heard the voice again. “You will always have what you need.”

Around age fifteen, I became obsessed with astrology. I read everything I could about it, studying the traits of each sign. I knew it so well that I could tell someone their sign after talking to them for fifteen or twenty minutes. I could even correctly guess what someone’s astrological sign was even if I’d never met them by simply hearing someone else talk about them for a while. After playing around with astrology for a year, I left it behind. Probably because I was making new friends, learning to dance, and taking piano lessons.

Finally, during my sophomore year, I was allowed to attend public school again. I’d already made some friends and had a few ex-boyfriends who attended that high school so I felt more comfortable there. By then, I had learned to tune out most people and just be myself. I dressed differently than most of the girls and I hung out with the nerds and the smart kids. It’s funny, but when I stopped caring about what others thought of me, that’s when I became extremely popular. I even went to homecoming with the male model who drove a Firebird. It seemed like everyone in school knew who I was. Also, I had found something in common with most of my peers. Music.

As a teenager with many friends and interested boys calling, I would get up from the sofa, walk to the phone, put my hand on it right before it rang, and then answer it greeting the caller by name. Sometimes the phone would ring and I would yell to my mother to tell the person who was calling, mentioning them by name, that I would call them back in a few minutes. My parents witnessed my psychic abilities constantly but we never talked about it. Maybe they were at ease with it because my father’s mother had similar abilities and one of his sisters used to talk about it when she would visit. Now I wonder if she brought it up so much so that I wouldn’t feel like such a freak of nature.

Earliest Memories of the Beings

Earliest Memories of the Beings

When I was child, I had recurring ‘dreams’ of laying on a flat table in a well-lit room with beings moving around me. I don’t remember seeing any corners to the room and there was no light source. It was as if the light was being emitted from the walls. It was a cool light with a subtle blue tint. There was a woman (or what appeared to be a woman) with long, brown hair who wore a long, white garment. I never saw her face. There were other, shorter beings around the sides and bottom of the table that I always thought of as cats because they felt furry against my skin.

There were two versions of the ‘dream’. In one, I experienced the sensation of having liquid poured on my skin. In the other, my entire body felt like I was being tickled with feathers. I always awoke from these ‘dreams’ in the middle of the night. I remember my mother commenting in the mornings about my clothing being on backward or inside-out. Looking back, I no longer believe those were dreams I experienced.

Having been hooked up to an IV as an adult, the sensation of having liquid poured on your skin is similar to having something injected via an IV. That cold sensation spreads out, moving from vein to vein, and you can feel the liquid moving beneath your skin. I now wonder if I was receiving some kind of treatment aboard a spacecraft when I was a child.